Luggage weirdos

Hot dang! It's been a while since I've posted. Ti's the season after all. I've been very busy you know, my family's very holiday active. So now that I've got all this seasonal cheer out of my system over the last five days, I'd like to complain about work.

Today is the busiest day known to man, boxing day sale day. Does anyone know why it's called boxing day? Because back in '67, Wal-Mart had some Cheetos on sale for zero dollars, and two fulls grown men got in a boxing match with some orphans over it. Long story short, after the lawsuit, Orphanages were Abolished and Poverty made it's way into America. I made that up entirely, but please, quote me.

So anyways, I get this guy at work today. I literally could not believe this. He is holding an Ethernet port beside his face, the box says "ETHERNET PORT" in big, like six forty two font big, white letters. He then, thinks it's a good idea to point at the box and go "Hey buddy! This here thing an Ethernet port?" "Why yes it is the box says so, right here sir" I replied. What a tech savvy gentleman he was. It doesn't make sense to me why he was looking for anything computer related. He must mine sweeper, because he sure can't read. That grinds my gears. I think you should have to pass a test to come into the electronics department at Zellers. Otherwise we get those weirdos drifting in from luggage. The test would be simple, all you'd have to do is count to three, touch your head and rub your stomach, and, for the final test, spell your own name. That would decrease the number of customers significantly. Man I'm a genius

Golden Grove road isn't that long, son

Today marks the day of the biggest snow storm in history...Not really, but I like to imagine. It is pretty bad though, I feel like I'm in Newfoundland. My lawn is up to my knees, I wouldn't even call it a lawn anymore, It's like a tundra minus the Ice. I'd make a clever word for it, but I don't really see how I could. Hmmmm. Nope, nothin'

Anyways, it's story time. The gang and I were heading off to the Irving for the first session of the new midnight breakfast ritual. So we get there, and everyone orders the Trucker breakfast (Except me, way to much meat for the vegetarian). The breakfast consists of 6 pieces of toast, 3 slices of ham, 4 bacon slices, 2 breakfast sausages, like half a plate of home fries, 3 eggs cooked however you want and a pancake. I got the French toast, because I'm cool like that. I don't even like French Toast, but that's another story. So anyways, I finished early and went and bought this doopie mug with a wolf on it. It was dweebville, but I bought it for the self satisfaction of owning my own mug, which I've yet to do. I laughed really hard when I paid for it, I'm pretty sure the cashier thought I was intoxicated. Anyways, upon returning to my seat, everyone but Jordan had finished the breakfast. So Jordan got it to go, and we left. Now here's where it gets good.

Getting on the highway, we were talking and trying to buckle our seat belts at the same time. The seating arrangement from left to right was Jordan Twinkee and then me,. So Jordan, not thinking stuffs his hands and his seat belt buckle down Twinks pants instead of in the clip thing. Twinkee then exclaims "DUDE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!".
Jordan responds with a "Lol WUT?"
"Dude! You put your hands in my pants"
"AW SICK!?! HOW DID I! LOLOLOLOLOL"
They both laughed uncontrollably.
Then, at the last minute, Twinkee goes "Quinn dude! Roll down your window!
and I was like"...OK"

Twinkee fired his face out my window and puked all over the place, it was gold. I've never laughed at anything so hard in my life. Except the event that followed. He was looking back in, and going "Man that was sick" or something akin to that, and the highway wind blew his hat out the window! And he goes "MAN MY HAT!". That, was the hardest I'd laughed ever. Well, second time possibly. I was practicing different accent with my friend at work once, that was probably the hardest. Which is a really inappropriate place to laughed that hard. Man, I gotta get my priorities straight.

Will Smith is no longer my hero

OK. So I just got back from Seven Pounds, the new Will Smith movie. I have no idea how to feel about myself right now. I went in, in angst of a mind-bender, or something that would make me go "Oh dude no way!" But instead I got a heaping pile of human doubt. Like I don't know how I should feel. I'm obvs not going to wreck the movie, but heed my warning: Do NOT be fooled by this movies "Mysterious Allure". I thought I was going into a movie that may potentially be action packed, or at least packed with something interesting, like Government conspiracy, or Russians, potentially a plot twist. But no, I get this sappy story of a mans final hours. There was infact one minor plot twist, but I saw it coming.

On a lighter note, today was the last day of school. I'm overjoyed. I bought a Hawksley Workman CD. I'm overjoyed. We made this sweet Cannelloni for supper (we being Jordan, Twinkee, Jeff and I), it was all Veggie, of course, and it was super Delicious. Reasonably priced too, couldn't beat it. But we sureeee could eat it. BUH-DUM-CHA! Yea, I do my own sound effects, so what?

On an even lighter note, Christmas is in 5 days. Wait, FIVE DAYS?! I'm not done shopping yet. This is bad news. Uh-oh. Looks like tomorrows going to be a busy day. I really don't want to do it, I hate the crowded mall. People are two dumb to realize that when there is over 9000 people in one place, everyone having a cart is a bad idea. Your heels are always getting hit, and walking just becomes so difficult. Plus, all the people who never shop ever are at the mall during Christmas. The one time of the year when EVERYONE is shopping. I don't like that. Especially because they buy from all those immoral corporate monsters. Nothing better than putting a few million bucks in the pocket of the man, and beating a few more Tibetans while were at it! Good job Society, looks like getting those pre-stretched jeans really paid off!

Wait a minute, what?

Christmas break is finally here. I have to go to school for one period, to write a big, dumb, stupid, math test. Then I'm gone, until January 9th. This is the best news I've had in a long time. Only one semester and change left until university. Oh Golly.

Anyways, I haven't worked for two days, so I don't really have anything interesting to say about that. Although, I do have some interesting things to say about today at school. The number one being Twinkee's face getting super ground by Jordan's crotch. Don't ask questions, it just happened OK. It was in a theater arts skit, and it went really wrong, really fast. It ended up with Fitzy's feet on the arms of Twinkee's chair, and his junk all up in twinks face. Jordan was also wearing a dress for some reason. What a weird day.

After school I went uptown, and sadly, arrived after the Korean place was closed. So with my foodly hopes crushed, I decided to go to Jeremiahs. Good ol' Jeremiahs, hasn't let me down yet. Until now. I ordered one of their two soups today. I ordered the Tomato, and they also had Chicken(Gross meat). So after receiving my order and sitting at my table, I anxiously opened the soup, and what do I see, chicken chunks. "Hmm, that's strange, there isn't usually chicken in my tomato soup" I said, unsuspectingly to myself. So I went in for further investigation. Upon moving a noodle, which shouldn't be in my tomato soup either, I came across a carrot slice. A carrot slice?! In my Tomato soup! That's not even logical. So I gave it to Adam and went on my, completely disgruntled, way. I went to Taco Pica after that and got a Veggie Chimichunga, it was pimp. With my spirits brightened, by the unfailing Mexicans and there delicious application of the zucchini, I did some Christmas shopping. Not done yet though, but it's a start.

I'm going to bed now, I hope I dream of punching that woman from Jeremiahs in the mouth. Then having her come into a fake dream restaurant I worked at, and have her order a fake dream order that I couldn't possibly get wrong, so I can screw it up on purpose.

Lolrus is king

The lolrus is the single greatest thing ever made by man. Screw sliced bread, lolrus doesn't even require slicing. He is the epitome of everything I see as a role model.

See how caring he is


He is also a great leader


He is even wise and noble


lolrus is king win.


On another, slightly smaller note. I got my snow day. When I heard the news my face almost exploded out the back of my head. It was a half day, but it's at least 50% better than a full day. I was so overjoyed. I sat at home and wasted 5 hours doing absolutely nothing. The ideal school day. I didn't even work. This just may be the best-day-ever! I'm gonna go blast Radiohead and stare at my ceiling, because I don't have any homework, and I can.

BENCH. Girl

Ok, so here my thoughts for the day. First of all, why in Gods name is Zellers open until 11? Like my Jesus. I literally sat there and did absolutely nothing, for two hours of my life. I have better things to do. In those two hours, I could have baked a lasagna, or watched my toe nails grow an eight of a centimeter. Also, I had this customer today. I can't even describe my loathing for this woman. Well, that's going a little far, but she did make me quite mad. She comes up to my counter, while I'm clearly closing, and stands there talking to her friend on the phone until 11:05. Five minutes after we've officially closed, and THEN she decides its time to pay. My question is, why does she get to decide when she gets to pay? After store hours I can guarantee you the customer isn't always right. If it's 11:01 and I don't feel like serving her, I shouldn't have to. And if she persists, I should be allowed to punch her in the face. End of story.

Ok, so another thing I noticed about this Woman. She had a jacket on that said "BENCH." in big letters on the wrong side of the collar. First of all, who in Gods name pops the collar on a Jacket? You look like a douche bag, end of story. Second of all, whats "BENCH.", why is it all in caps, who decided Bench was a sentence? I don't know the answers to any of these questions, all I know is I hate that jacket. The thing that makes me mad the most, is how the person who thought up this brand is loaded. Why didn't I do that? All they did was write BENCH. on a shirt. I might vomit right now. How does that even make sense? A little boy in India, who eats twice a week, can weave a carpet with his bare hands (bear hands), big deal. But God forbid someone writing a noun on a shirt.

Society is getting worse and worse by the second. And it's all because of bench. I might call up Websters, pay them a huge sum of cash, and get them to switch the definition of Bench and douche bag. That'll fix em'....They can read right?

I'm not quite following. Pirates do what?

Hey there, me again. After a long night of track editing, and not enough sleep, I've decided it's time to blog. I would tell you some work story that has no relevance to anything I would ever want to talk about ever, but I'm going to pass this time. Work doesn't exist to me anymore, it's my day off. Don't wanna talk about it. There is no work.

On a more inquisitive note, I watched Fight Club the other day. It was a lovely movie, with quite the twist at the end I must say. Although, I don't quite understand the movie in it's entirety, but I'm sure a few more watches will solve that. Anyways getting to the point, in the movie "The Narrator" that's Edward Norton's character (You never do find out his name, which is terribly annoying, but it does provide a nice sense of mystery, so I'll let it slide) said something akin to "I only come to these meetings because people actually listen to me." To which Marla Singer replies, "Instead of just waiting for their turn to speak." Which seemed very reasonable, I'd never thought about it that way before.

I took the quote to heart and thought about it. Then, the other day I was on the phone with one of my friends, and I realized that I was the same way! I felt terrible about it for the rest of the night. Well, I wouldn't say terrible, but it crossed my mind once or twice. So I'd give it maybe a mediocre amount of caring or maybe something like a 3/10 on the rictor. Actually, I didn't really care all that much. Enough to blog about it I guess. But...regardless of how much I cared, I once again forgot to include myself in Earths demographic. I need to stop doing that pronto. I'm not going to get very far in life if everyone else is a consumer whore and I'm not. So I went out and bought a pair of 75$ ripped jeans and an Abercrombie and Fitch shirt, just to feel better about myself. kidding. I would never do that. I'm shuddering at the thought. I wonder how many people shop at Abercrombie and Fitch each year? I bet their revenue is lager than Saint Johns. That's gross. I hate corporations.

To a system of capitalist politicians, false face of a greater power: It's Americas turn to bring the Cheetos

I just got off work. I don't want to talk about it. But I more than likely will. It sucked. End of story. It was so terrible that I'm forced to talk in these really short sentences. Angry ones.

So, getting to the point. Every single living person on this planet wants Home Alone one for some reason. Do you know how little copies of Home Alone one exist? Exactly. I don't understand it, what would posses a person to want that movie. It's not even that good. I blame the American Christmas and the Corporations. The only reason anyone wants to watch Home Alone is because they're in "The Christmas Spirit!", which I guess means they need to go spend $13.97 on a DVD they'll watch once. Alone.

What is the Christmas Spirit exactly? I know it's kind of cliched for me to be talking about this, but I think I've just had a revelation. Prior to writing this, I didn't really think about it at all. I think the Christmas spirit is a race. That's what it is, it's just a typo! It's really The Christmas Sprint! The whole world gathers together and races to get "The hot items of the year"; Trophies in the shape of novelty goods! The race starts December 26th, and ends December 25th the next year, but some people are slow starting, and they wait until the last second. The prize is the best part though. Every trophy you get makes you eligible for these wonderful prizes! I've worked it out in this nifty price chart, and remember; The more money you spend, the better prize you get!

1. $1-$10 A "Thanks"
2. $10-$50 An "Oh you shouldn't have"
3. $50-$100 An "Oh Awesome!"
4. $100+ A maximum 20 minute session of fallacious adoration from your child.
   
   
   Warning: The Christmas Sprint may result in death, minor injury, road rage, gang violence, headache, congestion, nausea, insomnia, inflammation of the brain, intestinal disorders, heart burn, stroke, nervous break down, and trampling.
   
   
   

First of all, I'd like to say I've never done this before. Second of all, I'd like to thank my family and friends

Well, this is really strange. I'm writing, and there is potentially no one there. Hmmm, it's interesting really, maybe I'll be a new internet sensation. Just kidding though, this isn't Youtube. Youtube was not in my Firefox spell check. I can't believe this. I refuse to believe this. New topic

So I suppose I'm supposed to write about my day right? Well, I guess I could start like this:

It was a cold dreary morning in Saint John. The horizon was barely visible due to overcast, the geese still haven't migrated yet. And its NOT a snow day. This is the third alleged snow day I've been stripped of this week. It's pretty sweet. Psyche! Oh man that brings me back to the childhood. Anyways, back to my snow deprivation. I'm very distraught. I was relying on that snow day to catch up on my seemingly unending to-do list. I don't want to talk about this right now, it's depressing.

So, I destroyed this customer at work today. Totally decimated her. It was the ideal situation, for an over tired, bitter, callous version of myself, of course. I had double scanned her coffee by accident, and after apologizing, told her to go to the customer service desk because the chances of a supervisor heading my way (The opposite end of the store a supervisor should be at during Christmas) was slim to none. She did not like this. In some kind of weird protest, and demonstration of her rights as a human being, she stood there. And stood there. And stood. For well over a half an hour. I was not impressed at this point. She insisted that I call my manager, so I did. And he came. And when she voiced her concern he said, and I quote, "Nope, can't help ya" then proceeded to walk away, with enough smugness to put her in her place, but not look out of line. It was genius, I couldn't believe it. Work was on a constant incline from that point. I love my job.

I'm pretty tired right now, I think I may just sleep. I've gotten into the part of my consciousness where I can't tell if I'm really thinking or just thinking with a few lobes, while the rest of them and the frontal cortex are realizing they've had to much endorphins for the day and are getting the sleep they deserve. I usually negate any thought I have at this point the next day, because they don't make sense. One time I stayed up for some reason or another, and I tried to think of two things at once. My choice of words was egg and toast, a very poor choice when I think about it now, because all I could think about was breakfast.

I'm starting to sound dumb, this is my cue for leave. Catch you on the flip side... Is it weird to say that if I'm addressing no one in particular? I'm gonna roll with it.